1. It’s HAWT!
Have you ever been in Pennsylvania in August? Two words: Boob sweat. The cool mountain air forsakes us here in the Lehigh Valley, as the summer months trap innocent festival-goers in subtropical humidity that rivals the steaming jungles of South America. It is torture on your sweat glands, to say nothing of the make-up you slathered on for the Godsmack concert that is now dripping off your chin. Safeguard your vanity, and come enjoy a one-hour adventure in our AIR CONDITIONED escape rooms!
I repeat:
WE HAVE A/C! WE HAVE A/C! WE HAVE A/C! WE HAVE A/C! WE HAVE A/C!
2. I GOTTA PEE!
Do love your pants, but hate music festivals’ porta potties? Do you want to do your business in civilization with the promise of toilet paper for your tender rear-end? Would you like our bathroom key? TOO BAD. Ignore what that idiot with the Slayer hat told you; THE MAIN STREET COMMONS BATHROOMS ARE NOT PUBLIC. Only Main Street Common customers get to sit in luxury atop our Porcelain Throne in coveted modern facilities. But you won’t have that problem, because you are going to play an escape room at Captured LV and let the peasants have Poop Mountain.
3. I’M BURNING ALIVE!
Did you forget your SPF 50? Did your friend cheap-out and NOT get water resistant sunscreen and you’re sweating like a pig? Do you hate Vitamin D? Is the sun just too much? Captured LV has a strict no-sun policy. Those UV rays will have to find someone else to scorch while you get to enjoy a magical experience in our fluorescent lighting!
4. I’M BORED AND I CAN’T DRINK
Do you seek adrenaline but your life insurance policy won’t cover hang-gliding? Do you need the excitement of a roller coaster without the risk? Captured LV Escape Room offers a heart-pounding,blood-pumping, feet-on-the-ground, one-hour adventure that your insurance company will approve of! We are the SAFEST adrenaline rush!
5. I’M ALLERGIC TO PEOPLE
Musikfest attracts crowds of 1,150,000 to Bethlehem, and it is in that moment when you remember how much you hate other people. One million may be the number out there, but down here in wondrous Suite 10, you only have to tolerate up to nine other people in a single room for one hour. Guess what? You can pick who they are! Go ahead, grab nine strangers off the street and see if you can solve your way out of a room!
(DISCLAIMER: CAPTURED LV ESCAPE ROOM IN NO WAY CONDONES OR ENCOURAGES KIDNAPPING OF INNOCENT PEOPLE. OR GENERAL PEOPLE).
